Cadoy Crusades1

Chapter 1: Ang Hari, ang Jaghorn, at ang Jed.


"Ay putangina!"

Anger filled the room as the man screamed. All of the senators and mistresses inside were afraid, as this man was the most powerful man in the empire. He had the strength of Heracles and the power of Zeus. He was the king of the empire, and no one would dare anger him.

"Nasan yung jaghorn ko?! Nandito lang siya kagabi!"

No one wanted to answer him. No one knew. They feared that they would be thrown in the Mandingo Prison and left to die. They only stayed quiet. Unfortunately, this only made the king angry.

"Masama na nga loob ko sa inyo kahapon, gagalitin pa ninyo ako ngayon! Banas na banas na ako!"

"Pero... hindi po talaga namin alam, King Rejael..." answered one of the senators.

"Totoo po! Hindi po namin alam kung nasaan!" said one of the mistresses.

This was a bad move. King Rejael of the Holy Rejaempire was angered.

"Tangina ninyo, paguntugin ko kayong dalawa eh!"

Fortunately, everyone in the room had their attention drawn to the opening of doors. Upon seeing the man, all of the senators and mistresses ran and the palace guards aimed their rifles at the man. But the palace guards were killed by the man's personal guard.

"Oi, Senoro! Long time no see, pre," said the man cockily.

"Putang ina, Claudde, ano kailangan mo?"

"Flash drive ko."

"Shit. Mamaya na yan, puta. Nakita mo ba jaghorn ko?"

"Oo pre. Kaya nga nandito ako eh."

King Rejael felt relieved as King Claudius knew where his jaghorn was. Because of this, his horn became hard.

"Nasan pre?"

"Nasa Imperio Cruz."

Then Rejael's horn became deflated. Imperio Cruz was one of the most arid places in the world. His jaghorn was somewhere there. It could be in the arid Grande Desyerto, where absolutely no water can be found. Even the camels cannot survive there. It could also be in the dangerous Black Forest where the natives will kill and rape everything that enters. He could only hope that his jaghorn was in Cruise City, which was the only semi-safe place in the nation.

"Kung nasa Imperio Cruz, punta na tayo pre! Bilis! Dadalhin ko yung buong army!"

"Tama ka, pre. Dalhin mo yung army. Kailangan natin lumaban bago makarating don."

"Huh? Bakit naman?"

"Si Cadoy. Sinakop ng Cadoylands ang Cruise City."

Imperio Cruz had fallen to the Cadoylands Empire. Why would he capture the city? Surely Cadoylands wanted to destroy the Holy Kadoi Empire, and not Imperio Cruz. But why? Rejael then remembered that jaghorn penises were used as rope, and rope was one of the most important materials in Cadoylands. Rejaempire was the number one exporter of jaghorns in the region, and Cadoylands was their number one customer.

"Putanginang Cadoylands! Kung natapos lang namin yung F.L.E.I.J.A ... yung CATapult palang nabubuo namin!"

"Tara, Rej. Magpunta tayo sa Imperio Cruz. Kailangan natin wasakin ang kapangyarihan ng Cadoy!"

"Puta, di natin kaya pag dalawa lang tayo."

"Ulul. Sino nagsabing tayong dalawa lang?"

The doors opened, and some people entered the room. Rejael saw them enter. King Carloko of the Carlolingian Empire, Emperor Konoha of Rafaeland, Fuhrer President Thribal of Thriba, Lord Jaime of Jaimeland, King Andrei of Andreilands, and even the defeated Sultan Jed of Imperio Cruz. They all joined forces to defeat the great Cadoylands. Together, they formed the greatest alliance in history.

"Ano, sasama ka?"

"Ulul, syempre."

"Huehue. Welcome to Kugmaw, pre. Kugmaw Afrika Korps."